Over the last few months (since November 5) I’ve had days when I’m fearful, anxious, sad, angry, distraught, etc. Rarely do I have days that are hopeful or optimistic.
This morning, I woke up around 4 am. I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I pulled out my phone, played a few games and checked out a few websites.
As I thought about what is currently going on in this country regarding the current attack on Democracy itself, I felt a rare feeling of defiance.
I’m a gay man. I accepted that aspect of myself when I was 25. Things were tough for gay people. There was a lot of fear and hiding. Back then, you could face scorn, the loss of your job, violence against you and social ostracization.
As bad as it could be for me, it was better than it was for people who came before me. This was because of the work they did paving the way for more inclusion. They were defiant. Rather than just accept the way things were, they fought to change things. I was a beneficiary of that work.
Back then I wasn’t open to everyone in my life. I eventually made friends of other gay people. I was open to some of my family (niece, nephew, brother but not my parents). I was still closeted at work and mostly closeted in church, however I had three different pastors while I was there. I eventually came out to all three of them and I had good reactions from them all.
As I mentioned, I benefited from the work gay men and women had done before me. As such, I wanted to do my part in advancing the work that had already been done. I participated in protests, volunteered in support roles such as answering calls for the gay/lesbian hotline and supporting the community in other ways.
I realized this morning, that I can’t give up and just allow fear to paralyze me or make me run away. I need to do whatever I can NOW. I’m going to try to be more involved in political protests, planning and organization. I intend to insert myself into whatever I can to help save this country.
I’m sure that over the next four years, my emotions will continue to oscillate from day to day, but I’m going to grab onto this feeling of defiance as often as I can and take advantage of the energy it gives me. That’s all I can do.
Perhaps, if enough of us are defiant and use that energy to build, encourage, support one another and work for change, we can save this nation yet.